Desert Colloquy in the Beehive State

Fisher Towers

Northeast of Moab, Utah

4.4 miles round-trip, moderate

Many have made the climb to Delicate Arch, so many that the erosion of human feet is visible on the soft sandstone, a dim meandering path leading upward for a mile and a half into a queer region of knobs, domes, turrets and coves. --Edward Abbey, Desert Solitaire

What follows is a vividly imagined conversation between Mr. Bee and a well-intentioned day hiker:

MARK.  I could really use a hiking recommendation.  Do your frequent visits to Utah's redrock country qualify you to help me out?

MR. BEE.  Depends.  Where are you?

MARK.  Moab.  I have a half-day available in my itinerary before heading to Denver for a team-building conference.

MR. BEE.  Only half a day?  That is unfortunate.  You could spend weeks tooling around the slickrock environs of Moab and still not plumb the bottom of the proverbial barrel.

MARK.  [shrugging] It is what it is.  I would blow off the training if my work group wasn’t so dysfunctional, but that really isn’t an option.

MR. BEE.  Understood.  I can work with half a day.

MARK.  My Official Travel Guide to Southeastern Utah states that the one thing I must see is Delicate Arch in Arches National Park.

MR. BEE.  Delicate Arch is a must-see... an easy walk, a comfortable climb, ample opportunity to bond with several hundred other hikers who are heeding similar advice and making this their single sojourn on the trail.  The good news is you may have fleeting opportunity to focus the arch in your camera’s viewfinder before a cadre of fellow tourists congregate at the base of the arch, indelicately inserting themselves into both your photo and your experience.  But you must be poised and ready....

Delicate Arch.  Not Pictured: Everyone Else.

MARK.  [somewhat taken aback] Wow, I understand that the Arch is stunning, inspirational, approaching the sublime.  But what you describe does not sound appealing.

MR. BEE.  Sound?  Ah yes, the sound.  The sound can be deafening.  Delicate Arch is surrounded by a natural slickrock amphitheater perpetually reverberating with mind-numbing chatter on a variety of disconnected and not particularly sublime subjects: the quality of service in Lufthansa Business Class, for example, or the size of Chris Christie’s waistline.   

MARK. [chuckling] Well, yeah, he’s a big man.

No Traffic Problems.

MR. BEE.  He sure is.  I recall comparisons being made between Garden State gubernatorial girth and Beehive State arch circumference... gross and particularly snarky exaggeration.  And while I suspect that it has more to do with industrial tourism and less to do with political payback... it's almost always time for some traffic problems at the Wolf Ranch Parking Area.  Seriously, though, I would never advise against visiting Delicate Arch.  If you haven’t been there, you really should go—but put any thought of a peaceful commune with natural beauty completely out of mind. 

MARK. [thoughtfully] Hmm, that doesn’t sound like a great way to spend my downtime.  I like peace and solitude—it allows me to connect with a place and remember it when I’m gone.  And when I hit Denver I will be in group settings for the rest of the week.  Any alternatives?

MR. BEE.  You have a car?

MARK. Of course, a rental.

MR. BEE.  In that case, I would leave the parks—both Arches and Canyonlands—to the masses and head east from Moab on Scenic Utah Byway Route 128 for about twenty miles to a place called Fisher Towers.

Outside the Parks: View from Fisher Towers Trail.

MARK.  Hate to be a skeptic, but with all the terra firma set aside for national parks in Utah, you’re telling me to go someplace else?

MR. BEE.  Fair question.  Yes I am.  Fisher Towers sits on land administered by the Bureau of Land Management and is part of the national trails system.  Trust me, you won’t be disappointed.  And what about your life experience causes you to believe that natural beauty recognizes boundaries drawn by a bunch of bureaucrats?

Early Morning, Fisher Towers Trail.

MARK.  Okay, I want to trust you.  But you just sort of dumped on a national icon, one that the United States Mint recently memorialized on our national currency, so I’m not sure if I should.

MR. BEE.  Yes, yes, the Delicate Arch Quarter is pretty cool.  E pluribus unum, and all that good stuff.  I am merely qualifying my love for that special place. And at any rate, Fisher Towers is also pretty cool and special.  Did you enjoy the film Austin Powers: Goldmember?

MARK.  [confused] Did anyone enjoy that film?  I may have seen it.  Why do you ask?

Sculpted Sandstone: The Cobra.

MR. BEE.  The Towers are featured in the opening sequence of the film.  I thought the reference may be helpful as you have always seemed to be something of a film buff.  Since that isn’t the case, I can tell you that Fisher Towers is a unique geological formation shaped through variable erosion of vibrant red sandstone and mudstone.  Some of the resultant rock structures are quite distinctive, prompting descriptive names like Corkscrew, Lizard, and Titan.

MARK.  Interesting.  How exactly did the Towers form?

MR. BEE.  You’d need to consult with a geologist rather than a hiking enthusiast to answer that question.  It has something to do with the relative hardness of different layers of local sandstone.  The result is fantastic: sculpted red rock framed by an azure blue sky.  And then, of course, there’s the Colorado River flowing picturesquely across the plain below the Towers.

MARK.  Nice.  What’s the trail like?

MR. BEE.  It’s a short trail, just over two miles from the parking area to a well-situated ridge that provides a panoramic view of the neighborhood.  En route, you’ll wind through ravines and cliffs providing close access to the formation.  It’s best to start early in the day, as the Utah sun can be intense in the afternoon.  The 4.4 miles round trip involves a bit of climbing and descent, but it’s relatively easy going unless the heat is excessive.

Enjoying the View, Minus Trail Congestion.

MARK.  [somewhat suspiciously] Sounds great.... But if this hike is so special, why aren’t there crowds?
MR. BEE.  I have never experienced trail congestion at Fisher Towers.  Maybe because it isn’t part of Arches or Canyonlands?  You may stumble upon a few oddballs—you know, folks searching for a mystical vortex or an inspired aerie to serenade nature on the pan flute.

MARK.  I can handle that.  In fact, I’ve been told that I work magic on the lyre.

MR. BEE.  Good for you.  Do you rock climb?

MARK.  That’s not my bag, baby.

Ladder on the Trail.

MR. BEE.  Well, you may see climbers.  There are a number of so-called classic ascents here.  But generally speaking, I find Fisher Towers to be a quiet, peaceful corner of southeastern Utah where it is very easy to appreciate the beauty of redrock country. Of course in such a vast area, there are other locations that provide similar opportunity but, for my nickel—or my commemorative quarter— few are so accessible and visually stunning... an ideal half-day-or-less adventure.

MARK.  [with new-found optimism] Okay, you’ve sold me.  I’ll skip Delicate Arch—this time around—and prepare myself for the rigors of team-building amidst the peaceful solitude of Fisher Towers!

MR. BEE.  You won’t regret avoiding the tin-can tourist crowd.  Save Delicate Arch for your next visit when you have more time.  Here’s an America the Beautiful Quarter for the trail—and I wish you, in the words of Edward Abbey, a treasure not in money but in beauty.

View of Fisher Towers from the Ridge.